Tuesday, July 2, 2013

"At Rest in God's Plan"

     The Thursday I was put in the hospital I was 28 weeks along.  I had a hair appointment scheduled for that afternoon as well as maternity pictures that evening.  So, needless to say, staying in the hospital overnight was not in my plan!!  All I could do was obey and hope that we would be able to reschedule the maternity pictures for another day. 
     So, home we went :) and I started bed rest :(  I had to learn to rely on God and His plan for the rest of this pregnancy.  Being human, it is so hard to give up the stress and worries of life, and give it over to God and let Him have the lead.  I have repeated two Bible verses over and over in my head to help me get through this trying time.  The first one is Zephaniah 3:17, "The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."  This verse has always been important to me in my Christian walk, but I feel I gained more understanding of how deep God's love really is for me during this time.  The other verse that helped me is 1 Corinthians 10:13, "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful, he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can rise above it."  This verse would prove helpful when I would doubt God and his plan.
     After my discharge from the hospital, our parents jumped right into planning how and when they could help around the house, bring meals, and just keep me company.  Being the independent, busy-body person that I am, I knew bed rest was going to be extremely hard for me.  I had to quickly learn to give up control and let others do for me.  Luckily, Tuesday, June 4th, I got to get out of the house...to go back to the doctor!  I have never been so happy to go to a doctor appointment. The appointment went well and I was okayed by my OB to attend my baby shower scheduled for Saturday, as long as I hung out on a couch the entire time :)  This lifted my spirits a little and gave me something to look forward to.  Brad and our parents stocked me up on snacks and activities to help me keep busy during the rest of the week and future bed rest.  I received crossword puzzles, board games, a gift card to buy more books for my nook, and a laptop to keep me occupied. 
     Finally, Saturday, June 8th came around and I got to enjoy a beautiful shower with family and friends to celebrate these two precious boys.  I will be forever grateful to my mom, sister and mother-in-law for working so hard to provide this experience for me.  We had a large turn out for the shower and Brad and I received more wonderful things for out boys than we ever deserve!  After the events of the past week, it was so nice to just relax and be "showered" with love from all these women in my life who love me dearly. 

     After a great weekend of celebrating, it was time to go back to the doctor again on Tuesday, June 11th.  This appointment showed that bed rest was indeed helping.  I was now up to 25mm cervical length and again the FFN was negative.  I was thankful of course for this good news, but was conflicted because I knew that meant I had to keep up the bed rest.  At least I was cleared to go to my other baby shower at work that Friday:)  Again, I had something to look forward to.  Friday rolled around and it was so great to go to work and see all my co-worker friends I had missed so much.  They threw me a sweet shower and again, we were so blessed with all the wonderful gifts we received for these boys.  I so enjoyed spending time with all my SDC ladies!  When I got home I realized just how much I missed all my nurse friends as well as my job. 
     That weekend, Brad and I went shopping with all our gift cards to finish off the necessities on our registry.  It was fun to open it all up at home, but hard at the same time, since I couldn't physically go upstairs and help Brad organize it all.  That same week, I was pampered by my hairdresser:)  She came to my house to give me the haircut I had been wanting for a while.  It was so nice to have a few minutes of pampering after laying around for a few weeks now feeling like a big blob!  Also, Father's Day came around on June 16th.  I bought Brad a few little things and we had a nice dinner at our house with family to celebrate our dads.  Although it was exciting for Brad to enjoy his first Father's Day, I couldn't help thinking how next year's Father's Day will be even better for him with our boys here to physically hold. 
     There were still more exciting things to celebrate in the month of June.  Brad's birthday was the 27th.  He got a great present of seeing his boys at our appointment that day and finding out that they were really growing!  Baby A was now up to 4lb 12oz and Baby B was now up to 4lb 9oz.  Whew!  That is a lot of baby and I was definitely starting to feel all that weight!!  My cervix was back up to 27mm and again, the FFN was negative.  So, we had made it to 32 weeks and from all appearances, the babies would hold out for another couple of weeks.  Just to be safe, my doctor had me receive a steroid shot (ouch!) to help with development of their lungs.  That evening, we finally got to meet our photographer for a shortened maternity photo session.  I was so relieved to finally get these pictures done on such a beautiful evening.  The next day, I had to go back and get one more steroid injection in the other hip :( 
     My doctor did say I would be allowed to relax in the pool a few times for a couple of hours, so that weekend, I took her up on that!!  It felt so relaxing on my joints, especially my hips, just laying back in the water with the sun on my face.  I couldn't imagine a better way to end the long, hard month of June.  It was a great month with a lot of highs and exciting things to pull me through, but it was also full of hard emotional times as well.  The feeling of being on bed rest and knowing there is little you can physically do all day long is very hard to describe.  After a short amount of time you begin to feel like a nuisance and an imposition to others.  You feel like a burden to others because you know that in order for them to come help you with something, they have to change their plans around.  Now, I know in the back of my mind that people do truly want to help out, but it is so hard to completely convince yourself that you are not bothering them by asking them for a favor.  Even at home every day with Brad, I have felt so needy and like I am burdening him, not from any reaction he has given me, just the fact that I know he works hard all day long and comes home to a list of things to do each day that I can't get up and help him with.  This is a huge change for our relationship, as we always have carried out chores 50/50.  I feel like I am letting him down a lot of days, but I know he loves me and these boys more than anything and it's all worth it to him.  I am so blessed to have the husband God gave me.  I can't wait to see him hold his boys for the first time, and hopefully, that will be soon...